It's not an excuse, it's a reason. Part II

Continuing with our recommended Japanese excuse season. You see, I believe that everyone has potential, and I want to help you on your way to fulfilling your potential.


“Humans make mistakes, but how they sidestep trouble is a true sign of one’s potential,” said Yuichi Higuchi, the author of best-selling book “Atama ga iihito, Warui hito no Hanashikata” (How smart and naïve people respond).

“If you can convince the person you are talking to with a plausible excuse, you can turn the situation around into a great opportunity,” Higuchi said. “But many guys do not think about it deeply enough and say things that get them even further into hot water. If you're going to skate on thin ice, you need to master conversational skills to get you out of a potential hole.”

It essentially means that you have to always be ready for mishaps and have a good excuse for every occasion. After talking with “experts,” Shukan Post provides some good excuses for work and relationship matters.


If you fall asleep during a meeting.

Wrong answer: I wasn’t sleeping!

Correct answer: I am sorry. I was preparing for this until really late last night and got drowsy.

First and foremost, it is important to accept the fact that you fell asleep, but you need an explanation. With this excuse, you can make it look like you are hardworking.

{And not that you are very slow at preparing, or left your preparing until the last minute}


If you arrive late for an appointment

Wrong answer: The train had an accident.

Correct answer: In order not to be late for this important meeting, I thought it best to take a taxi, but unfortunately got stuck in a traffic jam.

The two answers seem very similar, but the point is to make a better impression. “Traffic jams or accidents are handy excuses, but with the correct answer, it shows how committed you are to the client. You are willing to pay for the cab even if it is out of your own pocket in order to meet with the client,” said Morooka. {It's important to point out to any people unfamiliar with Japan that Japanese trains are not late. At all. Ever. The average "lateness" per train on the Tokaido Shinkansen in 1999 was 24 seconds.
If you miss an appointment

Wrong answer: Wasn’t it tomorrow?

Correct answer: I am sorry. I would at least like to apologize in person, so I am heading to your office right now.

Even if the client made a mistake on the agreed appointment date, forget about it. “Do not argue with an important client. Apologize until the opposite side agrees to a meeting. The sincere and passionate gesture may result for the better.”


If you fail to meet a deadline on finishing paperwork

Wrong answer: There wasn’t enough time

Correct answer: I took it home to complete it, but I forgot to bring it back.

Paperwork is part of the job, so “not enough time” simply shows your incompetence. But if you took it home, then it appears that you are a hardworking and responsible man trying to meet the deadline. {yes, a hardworking and responsible man who forgot his homework}


If you are assigned extra tasks even though you are already too busy

Wrong answer: I am really busy these days.

Correct answer: Let me handle it after I am done with what I am working on at the moment. I want to fully devote myself to such an important task.

If you decline the task by saying you're too busy, then your supervisor will think of you as an disorganized person. You should make yourself out to be a person who likes to fully devote himself to a project.

If you are asked to do overtime work

Wrong answer: I have a date tonight.

Correct answer: My mother just recovered from an illness and is in town with my father. We thought we would all celebrate her recovery.

A date only implies personal pleasure and your boss will not enjoy hearing about it. But even your boss cannot argue with someone who loves his or her parents.


If your least favorite superior invites you for a drink

Wrong answer: Today is not a good day.

Correct answer: Thank you for inviting me. I am really grateful for your kindness, but I have a business class to go today.

It doesn’t matter if you are really attending such a class. But it shows that you are studying to polish yourself.


Yes I did use the exact translation used, which might explain some of the slightly unusual language. And aren't you impressed that I managed not to comment on 'polishing yourself'.

Shoes

You see them from time to time. Discarded, desolate, destitute. Unloved, unwanted, untied. But most of all, alone.

Shoes, or rather, a solo, solitary, single shoe by the side of the road. Why is there only one? Where is its partner, its mirror image. The flop to its flip. Its solemate.

And how did it get there? You can almost imagine a pair of shoes anthropomorphised, and hitting the road, but not a lone shoe. How would a single shoe walk anywhere?

I have had my suspicions of a shoe planter. A madman driving the length of the country throwing single shoes out of his window at random, laughing hysterically. Just to drive me as mad as he. But then I've seen shoes by the road in Japan. There are shoes by the road elsewhere too, so it must be something else.

A wise man once told me that before you insult a man, you should walk a mile in his shoes, because then you're a mile away. And you have his shoes. Perhaps the next step is then to discard his shoes separately by the side of the road.

The most common explanations I've found are that the shoe became tragically involved in an in-car incident, perhaps at the mercy of an over excited dog, or small child, and then was rapidly discarded, ejected through a passenger window.

The alternative is that the shoes were placed on the roof of the car, and then as the car gathered speed they flew off. If you think about it, this makes sense. Even if they left the roof at the same time the chances of the shoes landing together must be minute, so one lands where you see it, and the other disappears into the central reservation, the shrubbery, the path of an oncoming car to be bounced over lanes of road.

So the next time you see a sad sole by the side of the road, and wonder, how'd it get there, you'll know.

It was me, chucking it out of my car at random, just to drive you mad.

My Confession

It is important to stand by your words. To uphold your beliefs and remain steadfast in your convictions.

Of course, if you find yourself to be wrong, you should own up, confess, and admit it.

Which is what I am doing. A while ago I made a post about philanthropy, arguing quite confidently that "You never hear about people making massive anonymous donations, for quite self explanatory reasons."

Which makes plenty of sense to me. But I admit it, I was wrong. You do hear about anonymous donations, if you look hard enough. So without further ado, I'll reveal the secret I discovered and concealed from you.

John, and that's not his name, has £100million pounds to give away. He wants no plaques, no TV, no press, no fuss and no recognition.

Immmediately, I see the question forming on the lips of those that believe that no-one gives for selfless reasons. If he doesn't want anyone to know, then why did he do an interview in The Independent? (wrongly credited on the webpage with Tobias Hickey, who is an illustrator, and actually with Cole Moreton)

I would argue that far from seeking recognition, or even validation for his actions, he wants to use his actions to encourage others.

The article also describes the 39-year-old hedge fund manager Chris Hohn, who became public as the UK's biggest donor without meaning to after giving pounds 50.4m to his own charity working in Africa. He did not choose for his philanthropic edge to be revealed to the world, rather, he was 'outted' by an article in the press. He turned down subsequent interviews.

So you do hear about anonymous donations, but is it because the donor craves reward? Read the article for yourself, and form your own conclusions.

Warren Buffet in massive asset offload!

As I've mentioned before, Warren Buffet recently gave away a huge chunk of money.

Well, he must have been feeling the pinch soon after as he's decided to sell his car on EBay.

Actually, the proceeds from the sale will go to a charity called Girls Inc.

And no, that's not his car, but it's the same type of car. I can only guess that it appeals to wealthy middle aged (or older) American men.

I might have to post on cars around the world at some point.

It's not an excuse, it's a reason.

As a singleton, I don't have to worry about the consequences of my actions on a partner. However, many of you out there, I believe are living within something called a 'relationship'.

As part of my research into these deep mysterious things called 'relationships', I have discovered the following things:

1. Many people who are not living in a 'relationship' want to do so.
2. Many people who are living in a 'relationship' find it can be tricky.
3. If you are in a 'relationship' excuses are no good. You need reasons

So I've checked out the best of these reasons, as given in a recent Japanese magazine Asahi Shukan , following an interview with Yuichi Higuchi, the author of best-selling book “Atama ga iihito, Warui hito no Hanashikata” (How smart and naïve people respond).

So here are some scenarios and solutions:

You go to your favorite hostess club and end up getting home past midnight. You find that your wife is not in the best mood. Here's the problem: How do you survive the situation?

Wrong answer: “I was working! Your life depends on it!”
Correct Answer: “Unless I work overtime, most likely I will have to work on weekends. We won’t be able to spend quality time together as a family if that happens.”


If your wife finds an email of you asking another woman out for a dinner

Wrong answer: It is not what you are thinking. Other people were also present.

Correct answer: (with a laugh) You are in violation of one’s privacy!

Why? If you try to make up some lies, then your wife will come back at you even more to the point. Try to make your wife laugh at the situation by any means. 


If you forget your wedding anniversary

Wrong answer: Was it today? I will make it up some other time.

Correct answer: I remembered it, but there were no words good enough. I couldn’t even buy a present for our special day. My desire is to work hard so I can buy a diamond ring for you some day.

Why? It is never good to admit that you forgot your anniversary, so you should first and foremost make it clear to your wife that you were aware of the day. And just bring up the idea of giving her a present

So, should I ever find myself in a 'relationship', I will now be well prepared!

Coming soon, correct responses for work situations!

Risk Assessments

This is just a quick one, because I'm going to get some sleep tonight.

Ever fallen down the stairs? Yes? I'm sure you have, everyone does at some point or other. What did you get for it? A few bruises? Seriously damaged pride? Broken bones? £30,000?

Not £30,000? Well, you made a mistake there.

Aberdeenshire Council just paid out £30,000 to a woman who fell down the stairs at work. It seems the stairs were 'too steep' and 'too narrow' for people to properly step on. She THOUGHT she tripped on a bulge.

The thing is, no-one carried out a risk assessment. OH MY GOD! If they were so bl**dy dangerous then why didn't the staff in the building do something about it? or stop using them? Or carry out a risk assessment themselves? There must have been someone in the office qualified to do risk assessments. I know it's too much to expect someone in the council to have the common sense to put up a warning sign .

Supersize my TV

A few years back I heard the songFrank's 2000" TV by Weird Al (Yankovic), and loved it, and so began my love of his songs.

Anyway, it had to happen, and it had to happen in Japan. Land of 'no concept of going to far'.

Mitsubishi's 2654 inch TV Yours for a mere $28million dollars. Now if I could just fit it in the flat.

Gene-ius

There seems to have been a lot of talking about genes lately. A programme on TV last week (I can't find any more information about it) was telling us that our capacity for intelligence is genetic. It suggested that in the future we will judge each other not by our background, not our attributes, not even our actions but by our genes.

There is a genetic programme running worldwide which has been running for 15 years to entirely map the genes that make up a human. This information will enable us to identify whether people are carriers for certain conditions such as cystic fibrosis or muscular dystrophy.

But what will we do with this information? Can we cure these conditions? Can we adapt the genes of people to remove the condition? Could we adapt the genes of unborn children to prevent these conditions from surfacing? Would we become genetically modified people? Would governments prevent people who were carriers from having children to pass on these conditions?

Would society?

Information is power, and information is value. People would pay to find out about potential partners, people would self-govern. Consciously or not.

There is a TV programme called Andromeda, which seems irrelevant, but stick with me. It is set tens of thousands of years in the future. One of the races/lifeforms are genetically modified humans, called 'Nietzscheans'. They follow a strict interpretation of the philosophies of Nietzsche . This is most obviously seen through their dedication to self preservation and life-long seeking of self-improvement, and by default their genes for their future children, seeking the 'best' partners possible to continue the strongest lineage possible.

You might think that this is a bit of a jump from seeking to eradicate degenerative genetic conditions, but in fact I think it's a small step.

In Japan, it is not uncommon for families to get 'background checks' on their children's suitors. These checks are for status, race and situation, but also to check that there are no medical conditions prevalent. It is also a reason that many children in Japan with life-limiting conditions are sent to ''hospitals' where they live, often without contact from their parents. The existence of imperfect children is often seen as a source of shame, but more importantly it is seen as something that will prevent siblings from finding partners in future.

Decoding our genes is something that will benefit mankind, but have we considered the other consequences?

This is where the conflict begins. If we are able, should we ensure that people can live without fear of genetic disease? Shouldn't we rid ourselves of conditions that cause great emotional turmoil, not only for the person living with the condition, but also for their loved ones?

Many people nowadays can live lives full of joy, despite their conditions. You could argue that years ago, many of these people would not have survived to live as in these days, that we have already fought natural selection, won, and this is part of our prize. Thanks to the work of medical professionals, people are able to lead much longer and happier lives than previously. The work of charities such as Sue Ryder Care allow people with conditions like Huntington's Disease to live happier fuller lives. Many people with Huntington's Disease have children, as the onset and visible signs of the conditions don't arise until an individual reaches the age of around 30 or 40.

There is a 50% chance that the condition will have been passed on to children, which means a child could grow up seeing that the effects on their parent of a condition, and knowing that they have a 50:50 chance of also developing it. Very recently, 1999, I believe, we developed the ability to test for the condition in people. This enables us to find out whether or not the gene is present, allowing that individual to make an informed decision about their future, and whether or not to have children.

If a parent has the condition, but a child does not, then it will not reoccur in later generations. But the question is, when a person, has discovered that they will develop the condition, should the decision to have children remain with them? Of course it should, individuals should always have the right to make decisions about their own lives, but couldn't you argue that it benefit society if these genes were removed form the gene pool?

I don't have the answers, I only have questions. And I have more.

I'm not a scientist, or even scientifically minded, but my understanding is that we believe that genes are the building blocks of life. That they are the smallest, most basic part, but didn't we believe that the atom couldn't be split?

What if there's more to this that we haven't found yet? Can we make any decisions to base things upon genes yet?

Secondly, I've been told that people with Huntington's Disease generally don't seem to age the same way as the majority of people. By that I mean they don't physically age as fast. There is also a very, very low incidence rate of other conditions in people with Huntington's Disease, for example, very few develop cancer. Could they be somehow immune?

Now I hate to accept facts on face value, and perhaps this statistic is due to simple factors. The Japanese believed they were immune to cancer in the 50's and 60's, as they had few, if any, recorded cases. However now that life expectancy has leapt there, and although some still do, or believe immunity can be bought they've realised that in fact, they aren't naturally immune. In fact people were simply dying of other factors before they showed signs of cancer.*

But perhaps, it isn't that simple. Perhaps the flipside of what is a truly awful condition is a genetic immunity to something else. Perhaps before we rush out to get rid of genetic conditions, we should first find out what else they may be able to teach us.




*As an aside, many Japanese people don't seem to believe that aids is real, or that Japanese people can contract it. But that's for another day.